Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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