They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
