Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
