I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
