hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He felt like a one man threesome
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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