I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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