I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize