you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
