when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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