ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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