Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
