Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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