And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
