Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
