I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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