it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
