anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
