nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
