p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
