Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
