Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
