i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
