you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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