Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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