wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
