Kiss
Puke
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry my hands just texted you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
