i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
