Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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