I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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