the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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