we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
