It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
