It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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