whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
