yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he puts the penis in happiness.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
