You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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