when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
