My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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