my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
