Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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