I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
