Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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