Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
