she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
