how can u be prego again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
