and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
love makes seman taste better
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pants are for mortals
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
