that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
