Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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