I just made out with a guy for $7.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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