Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
