Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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